All posts filed under: Journal

Perfectionism Became the Enemy of My Productivity

I confess that there are times when I just want to be perfect, not in the sense of pursuing holiness, but in a manner that seeks to glorify myself. Those are times when I admit “not setting [my] mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” (Matthew 16:23) When I seek to do things with the intention to glorify myself rather than God, two things usually happen, either I do the thing unsuccessfully or I don’t do anything at all. I realized that this was a form of procrastination: putting a task aside because of the prideful fear of failing or doing it incorrectly. I was convicted of being like the servant with only one talent or one mina in Matthew 25 and Luke 19, respectively. Those moments of selfish ambition for perfection that led to no progress were evidence of moments when I forgot the value of Christ. Not that everything I seek to do for God’s glory is easy or will result in success, but it’s faithfulness that the …

“Have faith in God.”

I read Mark 11 yesterday and was convicted by verses 24 and 25. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Verse 25 says that whenever we come before the Lord in prayer, we shouldn’t come with grudges. The message is clear: we should forgive others because God is merciful to us—He forgives us based on the redeeming work of Christ and not anything we have done or can do. I was reminded that every time I sin, I lack faith because I’m forgetting Christ. Jesus tells the apostles to “Have faith in God” a few verses before. Verse 25 tells me that every time I pray while still being bitter towards someone in the back of my mind and in my heart, I don’t have faith in God. It tells me I’ve forgotten that God forgave …

An Uncurated Christmas Weekend / Our First Christmas

Knowing that we wouldn’t be with our families this Christmas (not by choice!), Ray and I wanted to do something a little special. It was our first married christmas. We didn’t have a tree or anything but we wanted to do something different. Somehow the idea of a technology fast came about. We were so nerdily excited about it. Our families were out of the country and we didn’t have to contact very many people since it was the weekend, so it made sense to do it. As the days approached/when the weekend was finally here, we realized we had to lax the rules a bit. The only real necessity for tech was using the internet and MacBook to check-in to our flights… But we were wrapping gifts for our relatives when we just had to listen to Spotify. (I had a song stuck in my head.) We then realized that man-made rules are always fallible. Sounds silly but Ray even came up with a sermon illustration for our “experience.” We were like the Pharisees …